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Transcripts · Rooster Tooths

Episode 20: Hate to Say Goodbye

Fade in to tremors, and the sky literally splitting open along the Halo as a seam, revealing the inside of a room in the sky
Sarge:
Double rainbow? What is that?
Simmons:
Some kinda crack. The atmosphere must be breaking apart!
Donut:
Repent, repent, the end is here!
Grif:
Well, I'll be in my bunk. Gonna catch some Z's. See you guys.
Grif walks off
Simmons:
You're choosing to die while taking a nap.
Grif:
It's how I lived, Simmons. It's how I lived.
Sarge:
You know, in some weird way, I actually respect that. Adios, dirtbag.
More tremors, and the sky splits open further
Tex:
I guess this is it.
Church:
Hey Tex, there's something I need to tell you. I think it's important that I say this.
Tex:
Wait a second. look I can take the whole 'at peace with the world' thing, and I can even stomach all the 'accept your fate' stuff. But... just do me a favor, okay? Don't say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I mean, we are space warriors, right? We should try to maintain some level of credibility.
As Tex is talking, the camera zooms in so we only see Church
Church:
No no no, Tex, no. I think I just figured out what the Director couldn't. And Alpha either. It was you, Tex, all along. See I thought- I thought we, made you. The Director, and the fragments... but that's not the case. You made us. When the Alpha was created, you just kinda came along for the ride. You gave the Director the idea that he could make something more. That he could split the Alpha up. Don't you get it you were the memory. You were the key. You were so strong, you made a whole other person. God - he always wanted to find you. You know to get you right. To just see you one last time. And he wanted me to be able to do the same. To find you in here or... to find you in here or just, go down another iteration. Figure out this little Tex problem. Figure out how to do it right. But now I know. I know how to fix all o' this. How to end it once and for all. It was so simple all along. I just had to tell you three words. Three words I wasn't capable of telling you before.
Tex:
Oh, okay, wait a minute... are you gonna say "I love you?"
Church:
No Tex, no, I'm not gonna say I love you. I'm gonna say I forget you.
There's a tremor, and the camera pulls back so we can see that Church is now alone on top of the base
Church:
I forget you. I'm letting you go.
Yep, she's gone alright
Church:
Okay world, do your fucking worst! 'Cause I sure as hell just did mine.
All of a sudden, a voice from the void, full of echo
Caboose:
It's opening! It's working!
Church:
What the fuck was that?
Cut to a view of the sky, and giant Caboose is looking down through the crack
Giant Caboose:
U- I see him! I see him, he's in there. He's okay!
Cut to the Reds
Sarge:
Is that Caboose?
Simmons:
Is Caboose... God? I mean I can kinda see it now that I think about it? Sure would explain the fuck outta the platypus.
Sarge:
Well that's just great. Caboose is God. I guess that makes me the first person in the history of the Universe that doesn't wanna go to Heaven. Hhgh, great job Blue Team. You find a way to make everything suck.
Cut back to the sky, and giant Sarge is shoving giant Caboose out of the way
Giant Sarge:
What? Let me see, moron. It's just a bunch o' circuits.
Giant Caboose:
Yeah but they're glowing. He's alive!
Back down to the mini-world Reds
Simmons:
Um, Sarge? What're you doing up there?
Sarge:
What? Is that me? And more importantly, why am I talking with a Blue? Attention enormous version of myself! I order you to attack!
Cut to Church
Church:
No. NO! The memory unit isn't dying! This isn't the end of the world - it's a fucking rescue mission. NO!
Cut to the giant heads
Giant Sarge:
Well get him outta there.
And to Church
Church:
No, no stop! Stop it, leave me here!
Church vanishes from inside the memory unit, and we cut to Freelancerland, with Carolina looking at the rankings
Director:
Our next phase is ready to begin, Carolina. We will be asking you to do a great, many things.
Carolina:
I'm ready Sir.
Director:
Some of these things might be... questionable.
Carolina:
I'll do whatever it takes. You've given me everything. I would do anything for you.
Cut to the room giant Caboose and giant Sarge were in, standing over the memory unit, as ghost Church fades into being
Church:
No, no, dammit! Whyhyhy, why did you do it?
Caboose:
Church, you're alive! See-I knew it. See I told them! And she was right! We could get you out!
Sarge:
Alright then, we're square Blue. We helped you get your shiny blue buddy out, so that makes us-
Church:
What're you doing here?
Caboose:
U- saving you. Y-we found you in the place where they were keeping you and we traveled a really really long way to come to this place, and fought a bunch of people, and then fought a bunch of more people, and then we got you and took you and saved you the end.
Church:
But why would you do that? Why!?
Sarge:
Well clearly it wasn't to hear thank you.
Grif:
Hey, we're taking fire out here!
Church:
Thank you? You fucked everything up! I was at peace - I head it figured out it was over. Put me back.
Sarge:
Put you back? Buddy, we just fought through an entire military base to reach you. And now you wanna go back?
Church:
YES!
Caboose:
She said we need you. She was the one who knew how to get you out.
Church:
She? Who're you- who're you talking about, Tex? The real Tex?
Caboose:
Tex? No, no not Tex. The new lady.
Church:
New lady?
A door slides open all dramatically with clever music
Carolina:
Hey there Alpha. Been looking for you for a long time.
Church:
Oh no.
Carolina:
Now that I've found you, you're gonna help me do what I should have done years ago. You're gonna help me kill the Director.
 

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