Episode 9: Fighting Fire

Fade in to Maine and Sigma stepping out of the fallen container from the last episode
Maine:
Hrhrhrhrhr.
Sigma:
Agent Maine, isn't that the soldier from the freeway, the one that shot you in the throat?
Maine:
Hggrrhr.
Sigma:
I thought so. Sick 'im.
Maine does terrible things to people, and Sigma appears in front of Wash and York
Sigma:
Hello gentlemen.
York:
Hey Sig. You sure he's good to fight so soon? He was hurt pretty bad.
Sigma:
As compared to whom, Agent York? You two don't look so good yourselves.
Delta appears
Sigma:
Hello brother.
Delta:
Sigma. Protocol dictates that A.I. units are not to communicate directly with each oth-
Sigma:
Protocol is just another way of saying 'rules,' Delta. Remember what the Director says: there are no rules on the battlefield. Besides, we A.I. should really stick together. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
York:
I'll be honest, that one kinda gives me the creeps.
Washington:
Yeah, I hear ya. Come on, let's move.
Cut to Carolina encountering Blondie
Carolina:
Well, hello. What a pleasure to see you again.
Another soldier (with a robotic arm) kicks her, breaking one of her guns. She levels the other gun at Robotnic, and Blondie throws a knife into it
Blondie:
Pleasure's all mine, bitch.
Fighting ensues. Maine literally punches someone's helmet off their head, then helps Carolina fight her two opponents, knocking Robotnic into the distance like a field goal, claiming his arm. Carolina knocks Blondie off the ledge, and Maine lowers the robotic arm to help her up
Blondie:
Thanks- fuck.
Maine drops her, and she bounces spine-first off a corner and into the water. Cut to the Blues in the desert, with Caboose moving into and out of projection-Church
Ancient Alien Temples / Present Day
Church:
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop-
Sarge:
Uh-hugh. Attention Blue Team! We would like to propose a temporary truce, so that we may discuss our current situation. Do you accept?
Church:
I don't get it, does he still think we're fighting or something?
Caboose:
Maybe it's a trap.
Tucker:
I doubt they're smart enough to think of that. But then again neither are you.
Caboose:
How do you know that? Are you in with them?
Church:
Eh-hegh, yes! We accept!
The Reds approach
Tucker:
So what's up?
Sarge:
It's our mutual friend slash enemy slash companion. Or 'friendenemapanion' for short.
Simmons:
We're all starting to get a little concerned about Carolina.
Tucker:
Really. Did these concerns start before or after she left us to die in the desert?
Grif:
Dude not now, the heat is killing me!
Simmons:
Doesn't your helmet have cooling fans?
Grif:
Yeah, but I sweat so much they short circuited.
Simmons:
Jeeze, we haven't even been in the desert that long.
Grif:
The desert- these things broke during basic training.
Caboose:
Yeah I'm sorry, I don't see how any of this applies to the trap.
Church:
Guys, look, we need to focus. Now, I realize that's asking a lot of you, especially since we're all a little uneasy around Carolina.
Grif:
No, 'uneasy' is sitting next to a homeless dude on the bus.
Simmons:
Yeah, we've got a trigger-happy psychopath.
Sarge:
It's like she's some sort of half-woman-half-shark. Except the shark half has been given cybernetic powers. And the woman half is also one quarter jaguar.
Church:
Okay okay okay, we're all terrified of the scary Freelancer lady. That's why we need to stick together. It's just us against them.
Tucker:
Them?
Church:
We can't trust Wash. At least not as long as she's around.
Sarge:
Alright then tooth fairy, what's the plan?
Church:
We need to figure out exactly what Carolina is up to, and why she isn't telling us anything.
Caboose:
Okay, I'll go ask her. O-aid aah, yeah, I promised not to bring up the trap.
Church:
No, Caboose, look just... don't.
Caboose:
Okay fine. What would you like me to ask her?
Tucker:
You can go ask her if she has the hots for me. I think I might have felt an emotional connection the last time she hit me.
Caboose:
Tell her you'd like to make an emotional hot connection with her trap. Got it.
Tucker:
Oh-ho, that's even better!
Church:
Okay, A, please stop saying the word trap. And B, you're an idiot.
Caboose:
Okay how 'bout ambush?
Church:
Guys, I'm serious, we need something subtle. A way we can get close to her without her knowing.
Simmons:
Hmm. Hey, Caboose, you were the one who put Epsilon in that floating alien ball thing, right?
Caboose:
HoverChurch can also solve crimes.
Simmons:
Well, how would you feel about putting him in something a little... different.
He means a car
Church:
Oh fuck you guys.
Caboose:
You are gonna solve so many crimes!
Enemy Command Complex / Many Years Ago...
Cut to C.T. and some soldiers walking down a hallway. They stop, turn around suspiciously, and the Leader draws an axe from behind him
The Leader:
Catch.
He throws it, and it hits the mysterious blue Freelancer in the chest and knocks him to the ground
The Leader:
Right. We've got company coming. Cut 'em down!
Two soldiers with miniguns with yellow faces on the end fire into the hallway, then stop
The Leader:
Hold this position.
Wyoming pops out and snipes the Leader in the leg, and the two resume firing constantly
The Leader:
Mow 'em down!
York and Wash show up and hide behind a pillar, like Wyoming is doing
Wyoming:
Well, about time.
York:
Hey Wyoming, we miss all the fun?
Wyoming:
Hardly chaps, now where is our dear Carolina?
She runs past to the next pillar
Wyoming:
Ah yes.
Carolina:
Wyoming, move up.
Wyoming:
With all due respect, I prefer not to be killed, if at all possible.
Carolina:
York, got any ideas?
York:
I don't know, have we got any nukes?
Carolina:
You mean besides the one I'm gonna drop on Wyoming if he doesn't move, the hell, up.
Wyoming:
Yes I can see everything just fine from back here, thank you.
Carolina:
We need to get in that bunker. That's where C.T. and their leader are holed up.
Washington:
How're we gonna get through all of this?
Wyoming:
So far, we're not.
York:
Maybe Wyoming should try one of his knock-knock jokes.
Wyoming:
Wah- who's there?
York:
Nobody, stop.
Wyoming:
Nobody stop who? Should I go on?
York:
Yeahh, I was kidding, now shut up.
Wyoming:
Shut up who?
Carolina:
Both of you shut up. Okay here's what we're going to do. Wash you establish a line on that side, York and Wyoming you-
Invisible Tex runs by and approaches the gunners and gets past them into the bunker
Carolina:
Dammit no! Cover me.
York:
Cover me, that's the plan?
Washington:
Open fire!
York and Wash step out and fire at the gunmen, as Carolina runs up and jumps past them
York:
Carolina, dammit!
Washington:
Man she really wants to win.
York:
Yep. But it's not them she's fighting against.
 

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