Episode 15: Three's A Crowd

Fade in to the training room
Freelancer Training Facility / Many Years Ago...
FILSS:
A new challenger has arrived. Today's matchup is Agent Texas versus Agent Carolina.
York approaches the armament table with Carolina
York:
Okay, just pick a piece of equipment you know how to use already. ...orr, just grab everything and anything, that works too I guess.
The other Freelancers are watching from the observation room, as well as Sigma
Omega appears over Tex's shoulder
Tex:
Hey, I got this one Omega.
Omega:
Wuh, next time.
Omega vanishes
FILSS:
Agent York, please clear the floor.
York:
In a second FILSS. Now, at first the voice of the A.I.- sorry, A.I.s - it'll feel like a tickle, okay? Just focus on that, and it'll get clear. Trust them. I know that'll be hard, but I promise they'll help.
FILSS:
Agent York, clear the floor, please.
York:
In a second FILSS.
FILSS:
Clear the floor, or enter the match, York. Your choice.
York:
For the record, I would stay to support you, but she's really damn scary.
Carolina:
...
York:
Okay, maybe you're both pretty scary. Gotta go.
Eta and Iota appear near Carolina and split, as York walks away, then they merge back together and vanish
North:
Anyone wanna bet that one of them gets killed?
Washington:
Are you kidding? I'm hoping one of us doesn't get killed just by watching!
FILSS:
Round begins in three, two, one, begin. Good luck ladies.
Tex and
Carolina:
Thanks. I won't need it.
As Tex and Carolina start running at each other, the Director enters the observation booth
Director:
What the hell is going on here? No matches have been authorized for- No, Allison!
The A.I.s:
Allison.
The Director bangs on the glass, and as Tex and Carolina reach each other, Carolina collapses and grabs her head
The A.I.s:
Allison... Allison...
Everyone else with an A.I. kneels in pain and removes their helmet, except Maine who is unable
Cut to the Sarcophagus, and the two guards by it backing away from the terrible sounds it's making
Carolina struggles to pull her helmet off, and finally succeeds
Carolina:
Nnnghah! Aaah! Make them stop! Make them stop, the voices- make the voices stop!
The Director remains stoically in the observation room
Counsellor:
Director, we should sedate Carolina. Immediately. We've no idea how much damage two A.I. could-
Director:
No, she made her decision let her be.
York:
Come on, somebody help her.
Carolina:
Aaaah!
Tex:
What the fuck is going on? Somebody get down here.
Director:
You, are all, dismissed.
Tex walks to and kneels over Carolina
Carolina:
Nuhg- Nuhuuh, nuh, nnuh-
Omega:
Yes. End her. Do it. Mean it. Mean it- do it. Do it do it. Come on.
Tex:
Sorry kid, this is for your own good.
Tex punches Carolina in the face
Cut to Valhalla
Carolina:
Nothing. Nothing, a dead end. Dammit, not again!
She punches the Pelican, and Church appears
Church:
Hey watch it, I'm still in here.
Outpost 17-B: Valhalla / Present Day
Washington:
Response teams beat us to the crash, plain and simple. We knew the chances of finding something here were slim.
Church:
Okay, well, what about the bases?
Washington:
Blue Base was swept clean; as for Red Base, any evidence that might have been there was completely destroyed during the construction of some kind of giant holographic projection room.
Church:
Mahn. Those guys are really starting to find creative ways to ruin my life. ...Mother fuckers.
Carolina:
This is our third, wild goose chase Wash. Even after she's gone, Texas is still finding ways to screw me over.
Washington:
You can't blame her for this. Time isn't on our side, Carolina. Any trail she left behind likely went cold years ago.
Carolina:
Are you suggesting we give up?
Washington:
Of course not. I was just-
Carolina:
Good. Then go spread the word: we're leaving.
Washington:
But... we just got here.
Carolina:
What's your point?
Washington:
Well don't you think we're pushing these guys a little too hard? This place is pretty much home to them. They may not be ready to leave it so soon.
Church:
Heyeah, I'm really choked up about it.
Carolina:
Despite what those idiots may think, this is not a road trip. This is a mission. And I will see it, completed. Is that understood, Agent Washington?
Washington:
... Yes, boss.
Church:
Heh, what the hell happened to that guy? Didn't he used to be a badass, like you and Tex?
Carolina crouches down and does something, and Church flickers off
Church:
Ow! I meant badass j-uh, just like you. Just like just you. Only you. Only- nobody else.
Sarge and Simmons come upon Lopez, done up in a garden like a scarecrow, next to a small shack, with peppy music playing
Sarge:
There he is! Spanish Inquisition, someone's been torturing him!
Simmons:
Huh, I don't think so Sir. It kinda looks like a scarecrow.
Sarge:
Savages. And they've erected this fence as a warning, for civilized people to stay away.
Simmons:
It actually looks like a garden. Wait a minute, is that compost? Sustainable farming? Environmentally friendly housing? Oh no.
Sarge:
What?
Donut:
Oh, hey guys! I thought I heard voices.
Sarge:
Donut?
Donut:
Hi Sarge! Long time no see!
Simmons:
I thought you were dead?
Sarge:
You know, we sure seem to say that a lot these days.
Donut:
I almost was. That jerk Washington shot me in the stomach, but then my armor locked up on me. Kept me alive for a while until it unlocked again for some reason. It was horrible. Do you know what removes blood stains from this armor? Not a lot I tell you. I lay there forever wondering how I was gonna get all that dark red, out of this light red. You know?
Simmons:
How did you survive? When your armor unlocked you would have just bled to death.
Sarge:
And when did you get all new agey?
Simmons:
Uh oh.
Sarge:
What?
Simmons:
Sarge, think about it. Medical attention? Fringe holistic lifestyle choices? You know what that means.
Doc:
Wow, look what the cat dragged in. And by dragged in I mean spit out like a hairball, hey guys!
Sarge:
Simmons, is that Doc behind us?
Simmons:
I think so.
Sarge:
Simmons, get my gun.
Simmons:
You're holding it Sir.
Sarge:
Oh. Right. Simmons, I'm gonna need you to commence Operation Point My Gun At Doc.
Simmons:
But Sir, Operation Point My Gun At Doc is just a code phrase for Operation Point My Gun At Grif.
Sarge:
Drat! Fine. Switch to Operation Point My Gun At Grif!
Simmons:
Yeah actually, Sir that one was just, what it sounds like. Sorry.
Sarge:
Double drat!
 

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