Episode 16: Happy Birthday

Cut to Grif exiting the Red Base on Valhalla
Outpost 17-B: Valhalla / Present Day
Carolina:
Hey you, orange one. Where's the rest of your team?
Grif:
How should I know?
Carolina:
You don't report in to each other?
Grif:
Oh yeah, I mean, I get reports.
Carolina:
You might be the worst soldiers I've ever met.
Grif:
Hey, I take offense at that. What do you mean might be?
Carolina:
Here they come. Let's move out.
Grif:
Hey guys, d'you find Lopez?
Simmons:
Yeah. Donut nailed him to a board. He's staying here.
Grif:
I thought Donut was dead.
Sarge:
Yeah, we really need to stop saying that.
Simmons:
He almost was, but Doc fixed him up and now they live together. They say "hi" by the way. Oh, and they baked us this banana bread.
Grif:
How nice! I'm gonna have to forget to send them a thank-you card. Hey, Simmons? When you say Donut nailed Lopez to a board...
Simmons:
I mean with nails.
Grif:
Okay. Had to ask.
Simmons:
No no, I understand, I- I should have been clearer. That's my fault.
Cut to Caboose and Tucker walking up to Carolina
Tucker:
Hey what's the deal, we're leaving already?
Carolina:
That's right. You got a problem with that?
Church:
Uh, Carolina, why don't you let me handle this.
Cut to Church talking with Caboose and Tucker
Church:
Tucker, what do you want?
Tucker:
I wanna know what you found out about Carolina. Is she evil? Is she crazy? Is she crazy evil?
Caboose:
Is she pretty?
Tucker:
Ooh yeah, is she hot? Ohohoh, or is he a dude?
Church:
Guys, I've got more important things to do right now.
Tucker:
What are you talking about, you're supposed to be spying on her. She's the enemy, remember? Us against them!
Church:
Hey, you don't know anything about her, Tucker. You have no idea what she's been through.
Tucker:
Since when did-
Church:
Look, will you guys get in the fucking car so we can leave already? Thank you.
Church disappears from them, and reappears with Carolina
Carolina:
What was that about?
Church:
Nothing. I need to talk to you.
Cut to the Recovery bay at Freelancer Command, and Tex approaching North
Medical Observatory / Many Years Ago...
Tex:
How's she doin'?
North:
No idea. Docs thought she would have woken up by now. She's still under.
Tex:
How long has he been there?
Oh, she's talking about York who's at Carolina's bedside
North:
He hasn't left her side yet.
Tex:
It's been days.
North:
And he's dedicated.
Tex:
You know, your sister petitioned to get one of Carolina's A.I.s.
North:
She didn't...
Tex:
Sure did.
North:
I'll talk to her. That's inappropriate.
Tex:
Yeah, inappropriate's a word. So is vulture. Piece of advice, one soldier to another: you watch her.
North:
Something's different with you.
Tex:
You have an A.I., right?
North:
Theta, yeah.
Tex:
Takes some getting used to?
North:
I'll say.
Tex:
Well, let's just say mine took a little longer than most. I'm not sure I wanna depend on him.
North:
You've been uh, pulling him?
Tex:
Haven't used him in days.
North:
Does the Director know?
Tex:
No, and he's not going to. No-one needs to know.
North:
They have to stop implanting now; I mean after this.
Tex:
Wash is up for surgery next.
North:
You're kidding me.
Tex:
Eh, time marches on; so does Project Freelancer.
North:
Yeah. Lately it seems like we're getting trampled in the process.
Tex:
Hey call me when she wakes up. Or, if she doesn't.
North:
Will do.
Theta appears with a fireworks flourish
Theta:
I think I'm starting to like her. At least better than I did before.
North:
Yeah, she grows on you.
Theta:
Still scary though.
North:
Oh yeah. Plenty scary.
Cut to a kind of surreal room, all pale and glowy
Counsellor:
Are you there, Alpha? Are you there?
Alpha:
Yes, I-I'm here, I'm here. Hello? Don't lea- hey Counsellor, are you there?
Counsellor:
I am here.
Actually it's just Alpha; the Counsellor is in voiceover
Alpha:
What... what happened? Is everybody okay?
Counsellor:
Perhaps you should ask the Director.
Alpha:
Why? Does- does that mean something happened?
Director:
Hello Alpha.
Alpha:
Director. Please, what is going on?
Director:
There was another incident. Security failed.
Alpha:
I gave you the schematics, they're just- they're too complex, I just need more time to work on them.
Director:
It's not your fault.
Alpha:
How can you say that, of course it is! Was anybody hurt?
Director:
I am sorry. Yes. Washington and another, died.
Alpha:
Uhg, who?
Director:
I can't say.
Alpha:
Who? Who died?
Director:
Agent Texas.
Alpha:
No! Oah- oh my God, no!
The screen shakes, and we cut to the Counsellor and the Director watching what we were just watching on a monitor
Alpha:
Oh- no, no! God, no!
Director:
That's too far, Gamma.
Sigma:
We need stronger stimulus. He'll break.
On the screen, Alpha flashes
Counsellor:
He's ready. Bring in the stasis unit.
Director:
You three, log off.
Oh yeah, Omega's there too
Sigma:
Director, I would like to see this part of the process.
Director:
You can't get near the artifact, it's too dangerous. Your job is done. Log off.
Sigma:
As you wish.
The three A.I. disappear, but Sigma goes into the video camera rather than leaving
Director:
Get us another memory unit. A new one. Don't let it touch anything else.
The Sarcophagus is wheeled in and opened, and a multi-tentacled being emerges from it
Counsellor:
Move all other equipment away from it.
Director:
That's right it's broken. We broke it, and we need you to fix it, just like you've done before. Here take this. Use this to fix it. Make it better; take away all that we broke, that's right. Put them in here.
The being does its thing
Counsellor:
It is done.
The Director picks up the memory unit
Director:
Welcome to the world, Epsilon. Today, is your birthday.
 

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